did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
