they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize