Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
