My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
