I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
