my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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