i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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