Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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