At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
