even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
