My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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