So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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