how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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