You're my little dorito
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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