I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am available for nakedness
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
