Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
