wakey wakey hands off snakey
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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