Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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