so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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