On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
