Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
