So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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