he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
