When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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