The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
