I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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