I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
