i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
