I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
