we're chasing vodka with high fives
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
