whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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