Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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