You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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