I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize