They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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