When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
50% drunk capacity currently
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
