It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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