Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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