There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
