I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
