I cockslap morals
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
