you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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