i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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