a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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