Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
