I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
