apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
