True but thats because hes a fetus.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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