she smelled like a LAN party
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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