You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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