I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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