so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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