So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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