Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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