it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
