Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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