How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
