just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
