this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
