no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
