Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
