In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
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