I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
