to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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