On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
