I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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