Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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