you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
