naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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