i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
