I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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