I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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