Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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