If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
