Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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