Dual....:-)
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
